It has been four years this weekend since my little bundle of happiness was born! On reflecting, she has been the best thing to ever happen to me. She has taught me a lot about myself: I CAN survive on broken sleep and function; I can nurture, grow, help guide, and love another human being; I can handle projectile vomiting and not puke myself.
But seriously, when we celebrate her birth this weekend,I am going to celebrate everything about her self. Her eyes, her hair, her soft (though at times, quite loud!) voice, her skin, and her little smile! Her spirit, which is so wise beyond her short years here on earth, her triumphs, her reasoning... I could go on and on.
I am going to celebrate the gift this weekend of sharing a human life, and I thank God for every second of it!
So, Happy Birthday, my little Boo! Papa loves you!

Letting go.

It is going to be a new beginning for me- my own personal "Happy New Year", each word broken down from that phrase literally.
1. Happy; I will be joyous as much as possible, as I am responsible for my "self".
2. New; as in, going forward, I will open myself up to new beginnings, new way of thinking. New. Bright and full of promise.
3. Year; well, that one I don't have a good phrase for! I know it will not take me a year to get it going!
Why? I think I have been going through a lot of changes lately, taken some hits over the past few years, and am just ready. Ready to be happy. Letting go of the people that want to hold me down, or back, or not letting me move in the direction that I know I must go in. Just let go of the negativity. Just. Let. Go!

It always takes me a few days to come around when Olivia goes to her other papa's house. I usually busy myself with cleaning, laundry, gardening, pet stuff, etc., the first day. Well, today she was on the forefront of my mind while I was cleaning.
I started vacuuming the kitchen, moving the dog crates and getting all the dirt from under them, then moved on to the dining room, and then the living room. While cleaning the living room, I moved first my big comfy chair, then the sofa. As I was thinking about her, I started vacuuming behind the sofa. I stopped when I saw the bright yellow construction paper and green pipe cleaner flower we made a couple weeks back lying face up. I picked it up and it brought such a smile to my face! It was like a gift from above! I love life and all its mysteries - you never know what will happen next.

Rain

I woke up this morning to the sounds of my puppy whining. The kind of whining that is really, really annoying! Anyway, it is 5:03 in the morning (I looked at the clock in my room)and slipped on some slippers and into the kitchen I went. I let him and my other dog, London, out, and- RAIN! Yuck. More wet dog smell, dirty kitchen floor ( I literally just mopped the night before), and muddy pups from playing in the grass I mean mud. I let them back in after they did their business, and promptly went back to bed. This time, I opened my window a bit, and the sound of rain put me back to sleep in no time at all.
I woke up around seven (Oh, NO! Get Olivia up from bed! Take a shower! Press our clothes! Make her a lunch! Feed the dogs, cat, fish! HURRY! Oh, but first your coffee!!) and felt really relaxed (after the initial mental flurry, see above!).
So, got her up from a deep slumber by softly singing to her, and we were on our way to a good day.
So, on the way to school/work, I said,"bummer. This rain is a bummer." Then,from the back seat I heard, "But rain makes the flowers grow". How right you are, sweetie! Thanks for putting things in perspective. Sometimes we need a little rain in our lives to make our own flowers, so to speak, be more worthwhile.

Mothers Day

Tomorrow is Mothers Day, with a capital "M" and "D".
So much of how I parent I get from how my mom parented me. I talk things through with my daughter. When she gets a scrape, I put some neosporin and a band-aid on it, and hold her until the crying stops. Like my mom did for me. When I was upset, I knew I could always go to mom for some comfort, and I want to be that for my little girl when she gets older. It is important to have a loved one you can turn to in times of distress.
My mom is simply amazing. She raised six kids- age 1 through 10- for most of the year by herself- and we all turned out great, no drug or addiction problems. Most of all, and most important of all, we turned out to be good people. We are there for each other. Not that we are all in close proximity, but only a phone call away. And let me tell you, some of us got the same cell phone service to cut down on the minutes!
Sometimes when parenting gets a little challenging, I can't help but think of how my mom handled all of us with all of our needs.
The answer is love! The answer is always love when raising kids.
So, mom, thank you so much for raising us all with love, even during the most trying times! I LOVE YOU!
And to all the moms out there, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
And p.s.- you were right about the perm- it didn't look that great on me after all!

Papa vs. "Lunchables"

Ugh...
I'm not sure how many parents out there still make lunch's for their kids, but count me as one. My friend Cathy in Michigan's sister-in-law was hired as a cook for a public school, and after she told me about the "passable for human consumption but barely" meats they put into our kids little systems, well, that was it for me!
Once my daughter could start eating, I tried really hard to feed her only organic foods. Whole Foods carries a line of baby food that she ate right up! That was an awesome time! Well, she started growing and experiencing more foods, and it sometimes isn't always possible to see what she eats when she is at the sitters or what have you. While she was at a certain sitters house who has some kids of her own, she was introduced to Lunchables. The little boy of the family ate that for his lunches, and, well, since I have a little girl, she wanted to eat what he ate, because I think she thought he was cool. Fast forward to preschool!
I have been guilty of packing Lunchables in a pinch, or because she requested that for lunch. But I mostly refrain in favor of more wholesome foods to put in her little belly.
So, I went to Trader Joes and picked up some organic chicken. The plan was to make "chicken fingers" (I never got that- chickens don't have fingers, or at least not the ones I used to raise) for dinner, and pack them for lunch the next day. She liked them so much for dinner, she requested them for lunch! I felt so proud of myself! I packed such a nice lunch for my little (growing) bundle of joy, complete with organic chicken fingers, delicious organic juices, apple, cottage cheese... Oh, I was so proud of myself! I have finally kicked the Lunchable habit square in the chops!
I pick her up from school, and I go right to her lunch box after I say my hello, and... and... she didn't even touch her chicken fingers. I felt deflated! So I asked why she didn't eat them, she said, "But I ate my cottage cheese!". Yes, you did, I said, and told her how proud I was of her good eating habits.
I told her we had to stop by the store on the way home for some (organic) mac-n-cheese. As we were going up and down the aisles, I noticed all the colorful packaging designed JUST FOR KIDS, and, well, ever read the back of those things?
As we were walking past the meat section, my speed increased, barely two wheels on the floor and my baby girl holding onto the plastic steering wheel of our "souped up to look like a racing car shopping cart", when, out of her beautiful little mouth, what did she see and shout? LUNCHABLES! I WANT LUNCHABLES FOR MY LUNCH TOMORROW, PAPA!
Crap.

Home

I read on my friend Julianna's blog this morning a chinese proverb, and a part of it said with money, you can buy a house, but not a home. How true is that statement!
Last year I bought a house: this year, I live in a home. What happened? Life!
Little by little, things started happening. First, paint. That was it for awhile.
Then I started gardening, and taking care of what was there. I also planted a special little garden for my daughter. Originally, I had plans for "la petite Trianon" (from the "let them eat cake" phenom, Marie Antoinette!). Well, budget (oh, I HATE that word!)and, well, zoning, made me have a reality check.... but I digress. I started nesting big time. I have mostly original art on my wall from family and friends, and comfy furniture. And the spirits of my house, my pets. And some of you know, I am a big meditator, and I really think the "good vibrations" are taking hold this year, transforming my house into my home. Last year, my ancient crab apple bloomed in the front yard. This year, it really BLOOMED! Not only that, there is a robin couple making this years nest in it. I am honored! Last year, my lilac bush had several blooms on it- this year, I have a plethora of blooms!
Almost every morning, after my morning meditation, I'll pour myself a cup of coffee, sit on my big over sized chair, and look out my window at all the life that is going on, and take time to reflect on my own life. I take note of everything good ( and leave out the bad- don't want that energy to follow thought),and realize how blessed I am to have a home for my daughter and myself.