Sunday, October 31, 2010

H a double l o, w, double e n, spells halloween!

Halloween. It has always been one of my favorite holidays, right after Thanksgiving.
This year was special- it was the first time Olivia actually got it, that it is all about fun and candy, and how much of both you can have! We went trick or treating with our neighbors again, which is actually quite fun. One kid was the Grim Reaper, another Elmo, and Olivia was a white princess with red hair (courtesy of her "Little Mermaid" costume that she opted out of last minute).
A few days ago she starting telling me the ins and outs of how to successfully trick or treat. She said, first, you go up to a house. Then, you ring the doorbell or knock if they don't have a door bell to ring, then, you say "TRICK OR TREAT" loudly. "You know what trick or treat means, papa? ""No", I respond. "Please tell me." "It means, GIVE ME SOME CANDY!" A huge laugh from me, which made her mad, which meant I spent the next ten minutes trying to tell her I wasn't laughing at her, but with her. She ended up forgiving me, and all was good.
Our candles were lit, the skeleton was aglow, and it was nice and comfy in our home while she sat on the sofa happily munching on some sweets while watching a halloween special. It was another successful Halloween!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Read previous post first, please!

I was on the phone with my daughter this morning, asking her the usual things, when I said thank you again for the love letters. She giggled,and said, "papa, who else gave you love letters?" And my response was you, Olivia! Then I started thinking, when was the last time I got a love letter? I really couldn't remember, which kind of through me a bit. After going over my memory, I realized I was 22 or 23 from my partner at the time. I have been in two relationships since. Wow. When was the last time you got a love letter, or better yet, wrote one to someone you love? Wouldn't that be the best thing to do or receive? Next time I am in love with a partner, I promise to write love letters. How about you?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The gift.

Today I received the most precious gift, a gift that is so sweet, so beautiful, that made me realize how wonderful a life I have. The gifts came from my daughter. She had a big smile on her face when she handed them to me- three hand drawn pictures of herself that she said were love notes- for me! One picture she had two pony tails- one, curled hair, and the other her hair was down, and surrounding these images were hearts. My favorite was a picture of her in orange, her hair down, arms outstretched, her name written on the top left, and two orange hearts. I loved receiving them! I gave her a big hug and kiss and told her that was such a wonderful gift- and that I will hang them on the refrigerator (where all the good art work goes, before it gets wall space!).
Such a simple gift. Such a beautiful little girl. I am the luckiest papa alive!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Something happens. New feelings stir, some that were thought to be gone forever. A renewed sense of hope. A sign of an awakening. A happy future? Not all things last forever, both big and small, happy or sad, together or alone. It is a cycle. One that changes, one that has a start and a beginning as well as an end- a circle. There is something stirring. A new circle is about to begin.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Contemplating. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.
I am trying to discern what it is that is important to me. Some are easy: my family, both in my home and siblings; my work, I enjoy it; my friends. When I am at peace, I know that I am totally blessed.
The other stuff is a bit meatier. What is it that I really want in a friendship/dating/relationship? A few months ago, that was very easy answer, but now it is getting harder for me and I am struggling a bit to figure it out. I enjoy dating, I do. I have been asked out a bit lately, and have been saying no, to which surprises me as well, because isn't that what I want? Isn't dating a means to finding someone I am compatible with? Is it because I think I know what/ who I want and it isn't happening? Do I really need to be the old Patrick and see things to its end before I can move forward again? Who knows, I sure don't. I really wish I had the answers to my questions.
My good sounding boards, the friends I hold closest, are a bit harder to talk to lately. One has moved, and the other travels weekly on business trips that keep him away from home. These are the people who see through my b.s. and give me a very healthy dose of reality, and tell me what they think, based on our history together. These are the people I love whole heartedly and have been sounding boards for them, too.
These are the things I really need to be figuring out on my own. I have always been confident, know what I want, and usually was pretty good at getting what I need. I need to make my own decisions, for the goal of being happy, and for finding what has become quite elusive to me-love.

Sunday, October 3, 2010


I went to one of my employees weddings this past weekend, with my daughter as my date.
The room had an upstairs, which was glassed in, as if to remain separated from the first floor, but visually not apart.
At one point in the day I was upstairs watching over the kids play, and I looked out from above the party goers below. The groom and bride looked absolutely happy as they danced with each other and their guests. Another couple was holding each other closely, looking lovingly into one another's eyes, while another girl was trying to stave off the advances of an alcohol induced boyfriend.
All this happiness. All this love. I looked back at my daughter, who was playing hide-n-seek with a two year old, and looked out again. This is what I want for myself someday. To be coupled, surrounded by love.