It's Monday. Either the happiest day of the week for me, or the saddest. It all depends on if my beautiful daughter is coming to stay with me for the week, or going to her other papa's house for the week.
And the Mondays she goes to her other papas, I tend to get emotional. It doesn't help I have a sinus infection with allergies. Double whammy. I hear things I normally wouldn't pay attention to. Like tonight while shopping for the ingredients for my chicken soup, or as one of my ex's says, "Pilgrim Soup", I kept on hearing kids refer to their dads as Papa. That is what Olivia calls me. Papa. I kept on looking up and around, half expecting her to come running up to me and ask if I could pick her up!
Heaven FORBID I even start thinking about relationships, who I like, who I could love, who I have loved, why they didn't work, could they have worked? Do I even need a "relationship" now? I love my life, but Mother Nature thinks I should have a partner, and she says "two by two, that's what you have to do". Will someone bitch slap her! A very good friend of mine says love fiercely.
I have. I am a huge advocate of that. But to whom do you give yourself to? Who do you trust with your being? Especially now for me, when I have to put so much effort into simply dating? Sometimes I absolutely just want to say no to Mother Nature, and just date and have fun. That has worked o.k. for me. Met some really good people. But when does it start turning from thoughts of dating to thoughts of "something more"?
I have promised my good friend I will love fiercely again one day. That I will. I promise!

The earth yawned. And in it's first inhale, it took the heat with it, and exhaled cool air. Yes, it is a reminder that summer is going to be a memory soon. We will be digging out our fall sweaters, pants, boots- making soups, heavier foods to keep us warm.
Some of us will be decorating our homes for Halloweeen and Thanksgiving this fall. Others will be decorating their apartments. We will all be preparing for the colder months ahead.
I will be enjoying these crisper mornings, taking walks with my daughter, kicking up leaves, talking about when the first snow will fall and how many snow people we'll make. One morning soon we'll wake up, walk outside, and see our breath.
But until the earth takes its' yearly slumber, I'll be enjoying the days leading up to winter.

Bring your daughter to work day

Today was an unofficial "bring your daughter to work day", designated by ME!
It was so much fun! My little O helped me mix colors, picked some out for herself when she turns 16 (I want violet red violet under her, don't cover up the blond pieces {she has blonde pieces? Really?!}, and bright pink bangs!), she wanted to sweep, was the greeter, and good lunch eater!
I think the best part of the day was talking about how I was going to cut her bangs. I asked wasn't she going to grow them out long? She responded that this was the plan all along- grow them out so far and then cut them off! I have to say, after much deliberation, we did it! I cut them while the rest of her hair was braided in two long braids, and she looks sooo cute! We had a blast, and she couldn't stop looking at them (or herself!) in the mirror!
We both enjoyed ourselves, and it was officially on of my best "unofficial bring your daughter to work day" ever!

Yesterday started out as kinda a crazy day!
As I was getting ready, I got a phone call from a business owner on our street saying we had a broken window. I made a phone call to my business partner, who I couldn't reach, then called one of our receptionists, who said she could do it, and in the meantime got a call back from business partner, which made me call our fab receptionista back to tell her not to come, which ended up making me late for work! Traffic of coarse was horrendous (I mean why wouldn't it be? I was late! Traffic always waits for you when you need to be some place in a hurry!), and I knew my darling O had a pediatrician appointment. ARGH!!!
So, on the way to work got a call saying we needed coffee (I start to feel the blood boil) and probably a Costco run (didn't I, just last week, ask for a list?), and on top of all that, I said a friend could borrow my car because I had no place to go in the morning!
It was just one of those mornings you want to rewind and start over again!
But, like usual, when things aren't going according to plan, you be patient and wait it out.
We got home. I made dinner. I feel everything returning to normal. Well, my normal at least! Then the doorbell rings- it is one of O's little friends asking if she could play. Of coarse! I sit on my front steps- I forgot how much I like just sitting on those steps- and watch the play. Then more kids! Now they are playing "telephone". Then O tells everyone about the yogurt coolisions I bought her- so, I have to get everyone a yogurt coolision! Satisfied, they play more. Then I talk to neighbors. We have to be in by 8, as the city is spraying for mosquitos. Talk on neighbors porch... then we have to go in.
We watch a cartoon, then off to bed. O can't sleep (too much fun, probably!), so she comes into my room. She talks about her day, as she yawns, and falls asleep on my chest. And the dog fell asleep on my legs. It turned out to be a great day after all!

Re:connecting

Reconnecting. It is such a funny word to me. I am one who sometimes takes a word and deconstructs it. Reconnecting. Once you were connected. Then you weren't. Then you were again! Reconnected!
I have recently "reconnected" with a friend from high school, and honestly, it is great! I love family stories. I remember what we were both doing before I moved, what was happening with the dynamics of her family, mine. Then a span of over 20 years! Pick up the beat again, find out how many kids we have, how our siblings are doing- amazing. So much can happen in the expanse of 20(ish) years!
It's also amazing how if you are quiet and settle your mind down, how much you can actually remember. The good,the bad, the hard to remember but you do anyway, maybe because of emotion or self realization. But you do just that. You turn that key in that specific part of your brain, and open the door. What comes out is what you put in. You re:member. Re:count. Your history.
Your life, friends lives, where you were mentally and where. The capacity for all re: things are great.
Do it. Settle down. Think of a person or, maybe, a place... re:member. Re:count; re:connect.

A friend once asked me what it is like being a single parent these days. I said though it has its challenges, I am happy being a parent. And raising a child in a happy single household is better than a coupled unhappy household. Yes, I may not be in as good of shape as I once was, when I had the time (and energy!) to go to the gym and lift weights and run miles on the track. But I still wouldn't exchange a perfect body for that of being a papa!
As a single parent, you really learn how to make the most of your free (free?) time. You shop in the 20 minutes you have before you have to pick her up from school. In the 10 minutes you have before you know she'll wake up, you take a quick shower.
But nothing, nothing compares to the joy of experiences you can have with your child. Especially us. I take time to explain things to the best of my ability, even if it means we'll be late for something. I would rather see her happy going to school in an outfit she picked out than one I know she'll look better in that I picked out.
And knowing that she will one day grow up and move out, makes all these experiences so rich for me. They are all safely bubble wrapped and tucked away in my heart. Who knows? I may pull one out someday for one of her kids to enjoy.
That's if I feel like sharing!

Well, it's been awhile since my last entry, no particular reason why, other than I have been busy figuring things out. And for those who know me, they know I can be quiet while I think things over.
One thing I know is that I am a good person. I usually put others first, do for them sometimes when I need to do for myself or my family first.
Another is I am so ready to start dating seriously. I have so many things I want to do, and most would be enjoyed so much more with a partner. I know the next man I give my heart to will be patient, loving, kind, and have a good soul. I misspelled good as god at first, my fingers flying over the key pad, and I guess I would welcome a "God soul" as well! I know he's out there, and all I have to do is be patient and open to opportunities.
And as always, I have the best daughter one could ever hope for, not that I had to figure that one out! She is becoming such an independent thinker. I marvel listening to her, watch her... I hope her life is always full of love and opportunity. Whatever she chooses for herself, I will be behind her cheering her on.
Love and light~
Patrick