It's Monday. Either the happiest day of the week for me, or the saddest. It all depends on if my beautiful daughter is coming to stay with me for the week, or going to her other papa's house for the week.
And the Mondays she goes to her other papas, I tend to get emotional. It doesn't help I have a sinus infection with allergies. Double whammy. I hear things I normally wouldn't pay attention to. Like tonight while shopping for the ingredients for my chicken soup, or as one of my ex's says, "Pilgrim Soup", I kept on hearing kids refer to their dads as Papa. That is what Olivia calls me. Papa. I kept on looking up and around, half expecting her to come running up to me and ask if I could pick her up!
Heaven FORBID I even start thinking about relationships, who I like, who I could love, who I have loved, why they didn't work, could they have worked? Do I even need a "relationship" now? I love my life, but Mother Nature thinks I should have a partner, and she says "two by two, that's what you have to do". Will someone bitch slap her! A very good friend of mine says love fiercely.
I have. I am a huge advocate of that. But to whom do you give yourself to? Who do you trust with your being? Especially now for me, when I have to put so much effort into simply dating? Sometimes I absolutely just want to say no to Mother Nature, and just date and have fun. That has worked o.k. for me. Met some really good people. But when does it start turning from thoughts of dating to thoughts of "something more"?
I have promised my good friend I will love fiercely again one day. That I will. I promise!