Well, it's late February and lately all I've been thinking about is cycles. Not as in "motorcycles", though those are very cool. Rather cycles in ones' life. Like how it is when we are young and can live/eat/play where ever whenever. And now that I am in my forties, how that has changed. I would rather live, and eat home MOST of the time (not always, though!) and play seems to happen for me more on weekends now if at all, which I am o.k. with.
Also what comes into question is our love cycles. Like, when we first meet someone, everything we see in that person is amusing, fun, good. Then after awhile, they can become, well, less than amusing. Sure, you still love that person, and then something magical happens- be it a glance, an action, a random touch- that brings it all back again. I have NEVER been fickle in love. On the contrary, I tend to try to make things work for sometimes much longer than that relationships cycle should have lasted. And why not try? Once I love someone, it is usually for life, no matter to what level I have shared with that person. I still love many of my ex's - not IN love with them, but once someone takes hold in my heart, the roots go very deep. I cherish that. I think it makes my life even more full. A few of my friends fill that same area in my heart.
And then there is the life cycle. A few weeks ago I visited my grandma in her nursing home. She has dimentia now. I was so excited toting my daughter to see her GREAT grandma. I told her about how grandma forgets from time to time, and how she'll repeat herself or ask you the same question. I think Olivia was just fascinated to see someone in her 90's! But I am not going to remember her as a 90 plus year old. I am going to remember her as the animated, good soda and ice cream mixer upper, honey and oatmeal facial wearing (every night!), and painter of L'Eggs panty hose eggs for Easter with great surprises in them grandma. And though I'm sure her husband, my grandpa, is patiently waiting for her on the other side to continue their journey's together, I am happy to be around for her last bit of time, her final cycle.
And life will go on to begin a new cycle

Gardening

All right, I confess, I am (not) a closet gardener! And when I got my seed catalog from D. Landreth Seed Company, I almost... well, lets just say, I got excited!! Landreth is the OLDEST seed house in America- since 1784 to be exact! It is chock full of history and heirloom veggies and fruit, as well as herbs. That's what I may use my flower boxes for this year- herbs!
And I've been thinking about my front yard, and how to plant it (and rearrange it) this spring. It's got to be kid friendly, as we play in the front yard in the summer. It has to be hardy (did I remember to water?), and also attractive. I look through landscape books for shrubs and plants for ideas.
And I also have my seed catalog. :)

Tonight I had an incredible experience: I let myself dream selfishly of things I would love to achieve/have/be. I can't even remember the last time I let myself do that! I have achieved some pretty lofty dreams. And I thoroughly enjoyed dreaming up some new ones! God, when was the last time you did that?
My dream started with an image of a horse. I really don't know much about them, or how to vet them or take proper care of one. But something about the beauty, strength and energy of this animal really touched me. I saw myself getting him. Living somewhere where I could have him. Live somewhere where I could pack up some of my attained dreams and share my new one. I saw myself happy. Living out of the city somewhere, somewhere where I could paint again, live a more uncomplicated life, and most importantly, again, be happy.
And all because of one single image of a horse.....

St. Nick's

Tonight is the night for as long as I remember as kids we used to put out socks for St. Nick to fill with sweets and fruit. In anticipation, we would go to our drawer and pick out the longest sock we could find! For me, it was usually the 70's era white tube socks with three rings of color around the top! I think my sisters were a bit less gaudy, and my brothers? Well, we WERE boys and tube socks rang supreme! Plus, they stretched to accommodate more sugary goodness!
So, I am continuing this tradition here on Hutchinson Street for my daughter. Two years ago she picked out a Tinkerbelle stocking- no mere tube sock for her! (plus her feet are so small her socks wouldn't hold much!) I am so giddy with anticipation for her to wake up and look at her stocking!!
So, YAY for St. Nick! Thanks mom for passing this tradition on for us! It is so much fun! I hope whomever reads this will pick up on this old tradition ( German? Polish? Prussian? Not sure of its origin), because it is so wonderful, fun, and memoryful!
HAPPY ST.NICKS!

Almost Turkey Time!

It's almost Thanksgiving!
Our house is getting prepared for our guests. I pulled the turkey (or simply "the bird" at it has been called by my mom) out of the freezer. I am told if it doesn't thaw fast enough to put it in water- good to know! Tomorrow evening it will be getting a brine bath so it will be tasty and moist.
I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to this holiday! It is one of the few that doesn't involve elaborate gifts; rather, it is about sharing a dinner, talking, and being thankful for whatever we all are thankful for. It is a time for family, those present around the table, those who may be having dinner at their own homes or in-laws, and also for remembering family that has passed.
This year is a little extra special for me: I am doing this with Layne. It will be our first Thanksgiving we've had together, and also our first Thanksgiving hosting! Olivia will be present of course, and she has the VERY IMPORTANT job of making the corn muffins. We will all have our hands full over the next few days as we clean, decorate and prep for this wonderful day!
So remember to be thankful, even if this past year has been trying. Be thankful for your health if you have it and all you hold dear, be it human, animal, or spiritual in nature.
If I don't post again soon, have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

They say fall (autumn) is like our second spring. The trees will be ablaze with color, and some bushes and shrubs as well.
Fall is also a time when our kids go back to school. Mine had her first day yesterday. She was all dressed up, a little nervous, but mostly excited to start kindergarten. As her little hand left mine and took the teachers and they walked into the classroom, I felt she is growing up and there is no slowing down time. I also cried a bit as the door slowly closed behind them.
I wonder how it is going to be as she grows- will she still reach for my hand as we walk down the street? Will she still randomly say "I love you daddy"? Will she still want to come into my bedroom when there is a thunder storm (God I hope so!!)? I guess the passing of the years will tell. I am hopeful that even when she's 30 she'll reach over, hold my hand, and tell me she loves me.

An old friend

Funny how things turn out.
About 15 years ago I really wanted a cat. It was something I really, really wanted. I went all over looking for the perfect kitten.
Well, as I was walking through a pet shop on Wells I couldn't help but notice this little brown kitten staring at me. As I walked closer she became animated, and starting reaching through the glass door for me. That cinched the deal!
I named her Mocha, after her brown color.
Mocha was a very special cat. She went to the multiple apartments we lived in, then when we moved to Michigan she moved with us, enjoying the sunshine and being a really good mouser!
She also was also there for multiple pet dogs I've been fortunate enough to have- Sashle, Claude, Luke, Jack... two of which enjoyed long lives, the others not so fortunate, but happy dogs nonetheless.
She also helped comfort me when I was going through a very emotional breakup.
When I moved back to Chicago, Mocha stayed in Michigan in a "loft apartment" that overlooked the llama pastures. I knew she was well cared for and loved, so that made things a little easier.
So a few days ago I hear that Mocha needs a home as the farm has taken a new direction and is going to be rented to weekenders and vacationers. It wasn't fair to Mocha to be left outside, so Bob asked if I could take her back and find a home for her. I say yes.
Now, we already have two cats, and wasn't sure how this will all settle. I am a bit nervous. I take her immediately to the basement and show her where the cat pan in and food and water. I leave her downstairs to figure things out. When I come back, I call her name and she comes up to me, purring and rubbing against my leg! I know she remembers... images of our past come and go through my mind... and I realize, Mocha is here to stay.